The Chin Hair Symphony

The older I get; I swear my chin hairs start to appear on my face to the tune of Beethoven’s Symphony No.5.  Cue string instruments, DUH DUH DUH DUHHHHHH.

Now a symphony typically opens with an Allegro, which is a fast tempo piece of music.  Picture this.  I wake up, and I skip my way to the bathroom Allegro style, feeling all sexy and shit. I stop to check out my profile. I tilt my head to the right smiling and nodding completely satisfied with my jaw line, and then while giving a little pout and maybe even a little wink to my hot self in the mirror, I tilt my head to the left and to my horror, cue strings section DUH DUH DUH DUHHHHHH!

There it is, in all its glory, a chin hair! GASP!  The symphony now moves into a slower piece, an adagio if you will.  And A D A G A What?  Never mind, all you need to know is that I am now in slow motion, my eyes widen, my pupils dilate, my mouth drops open and cue woodwinds.  The sound coming out of my vocal cords however is not akin to that of the sound made when a whole orchestra is blowing their little reeds in perfect harmony. The sound I made, is some Titanic ‘my heart will go on’ sh#t.    You know, the one written by James Horner and Will Jennings. 

“ Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on”.

Except we aren’t talking about sexy Jack coming and rescuing me. Nope,  those damn black chin hairs are in my dreams haunting me, I see them, and feel them, and DAMN IT there is another one growing as I speak!!!! I just plucked a forest of them 3 days ago, what in the hell are they doing back so soon!

Now the 3rd part of a symphony is usually a minuet, and while Beethoven used what is called a “scherzo and trio”, it essentially is the same as a minuet.  Three beats in a bar of music is all you need to know.  As if on cue. One, two, three chin hairs! WHAT!  I turn my head to the other side; you know the perfect jaw line side and one,  two,  three chin hairs.  Gasp! So, I begin to pizzicato those ass@&*’s right off!

I have now entered the 4th and final movement of this famous symphony.  DUH DUH DUH DUHHHHHH. I am back in allegro mode. Moving fast and quick, I am triumphantly plucking, disposing and plucking again with such voracity that Beethoven himself would have written my glory into his next symphony!  I am the conductor now! DUH DUH DUH DUHHHHHH.  I flip my ponytail back, straighten my shirt and with an exuberated exhale, I take my final bow and I DUH DUH DUHHHHHH my ass out of that bathroom like the chin hair virtuoso that I have become. 

Sometimes it is nice to poke a little fun at the pleasures of aging. Aging is a privilege. Why not have fun along the way and marvel at the way that our body adapts and changes as we weave our way through this life. Chin hairs are just one little change that we encounter as we get older, and the way I look at them, they represent the wisdom of all I have experienced. Embrace it, have fun with it, and learn to love it.

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