Sometimes you need a little humour in your life, to keep you on your toes

I choose the man in my life to be someone that is the yin to my yang. I worry about everything, he worries about nothing. I freak out, he is calm. I and in pain, and he runs laps around me. He is loud, I am quiet. He loves to party, I love to be a home-body. He loves action, I love the simple pleasures. Yet, somehow we balance each other out. However, when I was pregnant, and in labour, this yin of mine pushed me to the brink!

After being in labour at home for hours, I hit the point that it was go time. My contractions were very close together and I was in a world of pain. I woke him up and said we have to go. I waddled my way down the stairs with my hospital bag, and sat down. And waited. And waited. And waited. Breath breath hoooooha….breath breath hoooo ha….where in the hell was he. Breath breath hoooo ha. Then I heard it. The shower was on. Are you bleeping kidding me right noooooooow? breath breath hooooooha….breath breath hooooooha. What you should also know, is that the other part of this yin and yang situation that we had going on here, was that during that time, I was a paramedic, and I had a strong sense of urgency with emergency situations. If there is an emergency, and I am up and out the door, springing into action. He on the other hand, has zero and I mean ZERO sense of urgency……he just doesn’t rush anywhere, doesn’t see the need. Things don’t phase him. I should have known. Ok, back to me sitting on the stairs in active labour , and he is taking his sweet time taking a shower. WHAT! If I could have waddled my big self on up those stairs, I would have …..but I couldn’t……so I sat……breath breath hooooooha….breath breath…I am going to kill him…..breath breath….where the hell is heeeeeee…..breath breath hoooooHAAAAA!

accurate depiction of me in that moment

So he comes down stairs, and If there was a stare that could have killed, he got it. He simply replied, “what? We are going to be at the hospital for a while and I needed to shower”. Um what? Do you think I am worried about showering myself right now, let alone you!! You know, I have watched movies where the woman’s water breaks, and the man runs around all crazy, unable to function…..and then is out in the car in two seconds…um no…..we did not have that problem here. So here we are at 2am, we get into the car, and start driving, there are no cars in sight, and he is driving slower than the speed limit. I am screaming in pain, telling him to hurry up, and he said he doesn’t need to get a ticket. I look at him, this is the man that probably had 3 speeding tickets this year alone and now he doesn’t want to get one! I tell him, I am sure the police will understand when they see the babies hand waving at him from down below! Good lord! We sit at at red light, for two minutes….breath breath hoooha….there is no one around…it is a ghost town….breath breath hooooha….

We finally make it to the hospital, he parks underground….there are 5 spots in front of the elevators marked labour and delivery. 3 of those spots are empty. He decides to bypass the spots and park another 6 or 7 spots away. I shoot him a look and say….what the hell! Park in those damn spots! He said, I would rather save them for someone that needs them. Im sorry, rewind…WHAT!!!! I AM THAT SOMEONE!!! I am in active labour, the baby could probably speak four languages by now she was sitting so low at this point….. If I wasn’t contracting, I would have…breath breath HOOOOOHAAAA~~! I still don’t know what possessed him , and what made him think that way…but I like to pretend he was in shock…but I know deep down that wasn’t the case. He then said…relax, I am sure there is a wheelchair. RELAX? UM WHAT? Did I hear that right? Well I am sure you can guess by now, there wasn’t a single wheelchair in sight….so I waddled the distance, cursing at him under my breath….all the way to the elevator. The doors open, we get in…and its the type of elevator that has mirrors all around, and it looks like their are 100 of you staring back….well …he got 100 of me GLARING at his dumb self. breath breath HOOOOOOOHA!

Photo by Anna Tukhfatullina Food Photographer/Stylist on

I would like to say that we got up to labour and delivery and everything went smoothly…but after like 20 hours of labour,( she was stuck with the cord around her neck, and we ended up having to do an emergency procedure), well, he by chance, took a break, and went for a coffee and almost missed the birth of his first born. Breath Breath HOOOHA!!

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